She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
