dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
