awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
