Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
