It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
