I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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