turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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