I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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