You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
