For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
