should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
