There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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