i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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