Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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