Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
