omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no, he came in my armpit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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