I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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