i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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