Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
