i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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