Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
