I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
