Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Sext me about skeletons
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
