judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
