I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't deserve a penis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
