i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
