When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
