Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
