I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
