Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think i peed on brittanys purse
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
