His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
