Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
