i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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