how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
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You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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