This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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