my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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