There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
