Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
