For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
