Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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