U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
