so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
