Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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