ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
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I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..