Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.