We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
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I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?