nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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