its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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