I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You took a bar mat shot.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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