Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Buhtt sex?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
