She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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