I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
