Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
