I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
