How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
