Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize