she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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