Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
