Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
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If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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