i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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