I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
