Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
