I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize