I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
