okay pat passed out under dana's car
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
