At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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