if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
