meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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