There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
