I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
