best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
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He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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