He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
