i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
