Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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