His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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